Here I am again.
Hope I am not bothering you. I know you are a really busy person, but it means a lot to me that you read it.
This letter is different then the other one
This letter is about how you continuolusly change lifes. A year and a half ago I wrote you a letter and you answered back - it was for sure one of the most incredible days of my life. I hope you at least read this one.
First of all, congratulations!!! It may seem strangre, but I'm kind of a pregnancy predictor and a few months ago I thought you were pregnant. Now, for real: I just noticed you were away from instagram and tough I know you are a busy mom and singer, I felt something was happening. Detail: I'm an atheist. But somehow I felt. Congratulations! Your kids are the cutest!
Second, I must tell you a lot had changed last year, but you continuously made me hold on. I decided to give life a chance, and even though I was living a horrible time at school and on relationship, I decided to study and I became a doula, but still was studying so I could to a public university( here in brazil, the publics one are the best). But all the pression and study was driving me crazy - I'd sleep 12 hours a day so I could go to school for five hours and not sleeping during the classes. I still take a lot of medication and one of them make me sleepy for twelve hours. In the begining of this year, I lost my grandpa, a,k.a. my favorite person in the world. I lost myself too. Five days after his funeral, I met the most incredible person I could ever ask for. He' s a history teacher and also a musician. I fell in love and so did him. We are together since then and one of the reasons I touched him (he says) is the letter I wrote you. I love him so much and I hope we can have a future together. Right after this, I decided to start college at a private university, even tough my plans were not this. It doesn't make me less than anyone. This lead us to...
THIRD, you made me feel more self confident this last year. Even more than you already did when I wrote that letter. I was starting to run when I wrote you that letter. Now I exercise five days a week - because being healthy and happy is SO PUNK ROCK! I started using make up recently, because MAKE UP IS SO PUNK ROCK AS WELL! I can try to be pretty, and that's so punk rock too!
And now, the last point...
YOU INSPIREE MY WHOLE LIFE. you're my role model. When I am confused about something, I wonder: what would my queen B do? It always lead me to an answer, even tough I don't really know what you would do, but I imagine. There's not one day I am not graful for your existance. There's not a day I go through without thinking about your letter, about your lyrics, about your history. You inspire me so much. You are the best role model I could ever ask for. I love following your twitter because you say so many very intelligent things and you're a feminist and you say such interesting things. There' s no words to express how much you mean to me. How much you meant before that letter, how much you meant right after that letter and how much you mean right now. It grows more and more, because there's always a new reason for loving you.
I'm sorry for bothering. I suffer of borderline personality disorder and it makes me feel like everyone hates me, but I really hope you read this message. It means a lot for me and it's not a copy/paste of that first letter - because even though i don´t know you personally, you made me change even more this last year. And it´s so visible, so strong.
I'm sorry for talking so much about me - I think a lot about you to, I hope all the time that you are fine, but as I wrote on the other letter, I don't want to sound intrusive. I hope you are ok, I hope you are happy, I hope hard times are far away from you right now - even tough i know every one suffers sometimes, there are some people who suffers more and all the time...and even tough I don't know if the story media tell is truth, I hope you are at a new path of life, full of happines and creativity.
I still want to be a mother. It' s my dream and I told you in the first letter, but I am waiting. Waiting for the time of my life I can let Athena Brody come. I relapsed a few times this last year, but I always carry one. That's something I learned from you: I'm gonna carry on. I'M GONNA CARRY ON! Always, forever and after.
You deserve all the happines in this world. You help so many people. I hope your little one borns healthy. I am sure he/she is lucky to have you as his/her mother. I am pretty sure he/she is.
Again, sorry for bothering. I hope you read this. I really hope you read this. I really really hope you read this.
It means the world to me.
With all my heart,
xxx
Juliana
STRONGER!!!!!!
PS.: I travelled with my bf two days ago and we went all the road singing and trying to decode every single letter and instruments of your perfect album Diploid Love. It was so funny! We had a lot of fun!
